Thanks to everyone who participated in our latest writing contest!
Here is the original sentence I challenged you to rewrite:
All Survey App online and mobile surveys include a powerful calculation engine that can be used to grade or score every question in a survey and maintain any number of calculation variables for individual items, groups and overall totals which may be used to determine and present individual assessments of current skills and specific feedback either as part of the survey process or in an email to the respondent upon their completion of the survey.
It’s much too long and confusing. A proper rewrite would clarify the meaning—does the survey compare how all respondents answer one question as well as how each respondent answers all the questions? And if so, the original writer does not explain this clearly or tell us how this is a benefit.
To participate in the contest, you had to accept this sentence at face value and make some assumptions. With that in mind, let’s celebrate the winners!
First Place: Congratulations to John Middleton from Harmonic Fund Services Canada Inc. for this winning entry! It’s the most readable rewrite, the most salesy and it has the best structure:
The All Survey app has a variety of different facilities for those in need of a powerful survey tool. The application – online or mobile – can be used to grade or score questions with all manner of survey types. What’s also great about the app is its ability to maintain any number of calculation variables for individual items, groups or aggregated totals. Survey data can be used for individual skill assessments and feedback processing. These results can be sent to respondents via email after survey completion. In short, the All Survey app provides versatility, power, and an excellent user experience.
Notice how John uses short sentences and makes the content more conversational. And, he turns one sprawling sentence into a proper paragraph, with a beginning, middle and end.
Second Place: Congratulations to Sara Guo, Principal, Asset Management with Investment Management Corporation of Ontario, who breaks this very long sentence into three more manageable sentences and in doing so improves the flow and readability:
All of Survey App’s online and mobile surveys include a powerful calculation engine that can be used to grade or score every question in a survey. The tool can maintain any number of calculation variables for individual items, groups and overall totals which may be used to determine and present individual assessments of current skills and specific feedback. These results can be presented either as part of the survey process or in an email to the respondent upon their completion of the survey.
Third Place: Joy Van Hemert, York Region’s Policy and Project Development Specialist, Paramedic and Seniors Services Branch, Community and Health Services Department provides the most concise rewrite. It takes courage to cut so much from someone else’s writing. Congratulations!
All Survey App surveys calculate scores for every question and maintain calculation variables to provide individual skills assessments and feedback.
